Once upon a time there was a young Prince who met a beautiful young maiden in a distant village while riding his Stallion throughout the fiefdom. She was thin and shapely with long hair and soft skin. The prince fell madly in love with her quickly for he mistook high levels of testosterone for love. She feigned poise and confidence, but beneath the pretty surface was a girl of low self-esteem, and quite unbeknownst to the Prince, his beloved was a dysfunctional girl secretly carrying several suitcases of family baggage.
Before they could get married, the Princess-to-be started to get a large stomach, for she had become ripe with child. No one knew until the Princess had her first child, but as the years passed by, their sin faded in the memories of all. The Prince and Princess were the perfect family in the Kingdom with 2.4 children. They had a nice home, an above average carriage, and the Princess always wore the latest French fashions. As the years passed, she forgot about her childhood and her poverty.
The Rest of the Story . . .
Alas, all things were not as they appeared. The Princess filed for divorce one day to the great dismay of the Prince and the entire royal family. Many were shocked, but not all, for the Princess had been telling white lies about the Prince to her friends, brainwashing the servants in the Castle dungeon, and together with her lady friends she started a secret organization forbidden of women in that day. Determined to rise above their high positions, the liberated Princess and her friends decided they were entitled to more. No one in the organization could define “more,” but they all agreed that they were entitled to more, and with that as their motto, they created the National Organization for Princesses and Spousal Units, using the acronym “NOPASS,” but only because no one in the organization could spell.
In accordance with her new theological philosophy, the Princess proceeded to divorce the Prince and sued him for all that he had, including all his real estate holdings, his past and his future. In addition, after petitioning the Royal Court for all that the Prince owned, the Princess also petitioned the Court for Princess Maintenance in the sum of 2.4 chests of gold due in full on or before each full moon.
Becoming impatient with the Royal Court’s wooden wheels of justice, the Princess implemented advice from her Royal Committee of Exhortation and Culinary Secrets. The advise was to file a petition under oath that the Prince had physically attacked the Princess, and to seek his immediate eviction from the Castle with a Royal Order of Restraint. Although the Prince had never raised his hand against the Princess, the Royal Court always assumed such a petition to be true, and the Prince was prematurely evicted from his own Castle.
The Prince sought the protection of the law of the land, but his Esquire told him the best he could hope for was his life and a small cottage in the country. Assuming his lawyer was a genius, the Prince agreed, and the Royal Settlement Decree gave all his real estate to the Princess, except one piece encumbered by a 140% loan from KingdomWide Loan Company. The Princess also got all the Castle furniture and personal possessions, although she agreed to let the Prince have his Royal underwear and all the Kingdom debts.
Between the cash settlement and the lawyers’ fees, the Prince had no Royal funds. He could not afford the Princess Support payments as he had no gold left, and one day the RSHS (Royal Social & Health Services) took his license to drive a carriage, suspended his license to shoe horses, and his only donkey was repossessed and sold at a barn sale to a pauper for 50 cents. The Prince’s troubles grew, because he had no funds to pay past Royal income taxes (gift taxes were due on the debts the Princess had given him), and the Royal Infernal Revenue Service assessed a penalty of 50% for all unpaid taxes, and 12% to accumulate on the unpaid balance until the Prince should win the Royal lottery or die, whichever should occur first.
The ex-Prince had no money, no place to live, and had to take a job cleaning horse stalls in the village. No one believed he had once been a happy Prince. He did not look or smell like a Prince. Without money and without a horse the ex-Prince had no means to travel the many miles to visit his beloved children. The Princess subtly spread the word that the ex-Prince was unfit, that he did not care about his children and that he refused to meet his manly responsibilities to support his family.
Meanwhile, the Princess took her children on a long trip in the golden Royal carriage to Paris and far away places. She ate exotic foods and laughed amidst the entertainment of the jesters. Her children loved her, because she made them feel happy and secure.
In the months that followed the Royal execution and scorging, . . . I mean Royal separation and divorce, the ex-Prince, being sensitive and in touch with his emotions, became sad and was very lonely. The Princess not being one to miss an opportunity, quickly spread a rumor that the ex-Prince had lost his mind and was bipolar. Many sycophants in the Kingdom congratulated the Princess for her wisdom in divorcing the Prince and taking him for all that he had.
The Princess became a very wealthy landowner as real estate values appreciated and as she inherited all the remaining wealth of the Royal family. Everyone worshiped the Princess all the days of her life, because she let them touch her gold and silver, and because she poured sweet words and kisses upon them.
Memory of the ex-Prince faded, and his children grew up thinking of their father as a failure. They did not know what became of him, but believed their mother who told them he had died in an insane asylum.
The ex-Prince grew older and wiser through all his trials. He grew to understand that life is not about things, but relationships. He learned that life is not always just. Wishing to be helpful to others and to leave a legacy, the ex-Prince never mentioned again that he had been a Prince, was sworn into the Priesthood, and became a strong proponent of asset protection and prenuptial agreements. The ex-Prince taught these things at the Monastery, and his seminars became the most popular subjects taught at the monastery in over 1,100 years.